Darkness within

I am tired. I worry about the clowns running or is that ruining the country at the moment. Yet, I don't really feel like getting into that.
Over on facebook, a friend brought up something about an old movie. This lead to me thinking about myself. Every one of us has a capacity for good and for evil. I firmly believe that the greater the capacity for one, the greater the capicity for the other. Most of the time the capacities seem to cancel out, and there we go right down the middle of the road.
Take me. I have enormous compassion and empathy, yet I can be selfish and cruel. Sometimes my assets are liabilities. Look at a fictional character that I felt an incredible affinity for....Anakin Skywalker. Anikan eventually evolves into Darth Vader. Anikan is an incredibly good boy and man that has his fear of losing those he loves most used against him to twist him into evil. I can almost put myself into his place and say I would have been just as good and evil as he was had I been in the same circumstances. Yet, the single difference that would have made all the difference. I could not have killed the padawans.

Another fictional character is the Goblin King from the movie Labyrinth. I always felt badly for him and felt that the girl was a bit callous in her regard of him.

Anyhow, there are a few songs that kind of explain or exemplify the mood that I am in.

Within You - David Bowie

How you turned my world, you precious thing
You starve and near exhaust me
Everything I've done, I've done for you
I move the stars for no one
You've run so long
You've run so far
Your eyes can be so cruel
Just as I can be so cruel
Though I do believe in you
Yes I do
Live without the sunlight
Love without your heartbeat
I, I can't live within you
I can't live within you
(sigh)
I, I can't live within you



Tears and Rain - James Blunt

How I wish I could surrender my soul;
Shed the clothes that become my skin;
See the liar that burns within my needing.
How I wish I'd chosen darkness from cold.
How I wish I had screamed out loud,Instead I've found no meaning.

I guess it's time I run far, far away;
find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same:
it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
It's more than just words:
it's just tears and rain.

How I wish I could walk through the doors of my mind;
Hold memory close at hand,Help me understand the years.
How I wish I could choose between Heaven and Hell.
How I wish I would save my soul.
I'm so cold from fear.

I guess it's time I run far, far away;
find comfort in pain,
All pleasure's the same:
it just keeps me from trouble.
Hides my true shape, like Dorian Gray.
I've heard what they say, but I'm not here for trouble.
Far, far away; find comfort in pain.
All pleasure's the same: it just keeps me from trouble.
It's more than just words: it's just tears and rain.




Story of Isaac - Leonard Cohen

The door it opened slowly,
my father he came in,
was nine years old.
And he stood so tall above me,
his blue eyes they were shining
and his voice was very cold.
He said, "I've had a vision
and you know I'm strong and holy,
I must do what I've been told.
"So he started up the mountain,
I was running, he was walking,
and his axe was made of gold.

Well, the trees they got much smaller,
the lake a lady's mirror,
we stopped to drink some wine.
Then he threw the bottle over.
Broke a minute later
and he put his hand on mine.
Thought I saw an eagle
but it might have been a vulture,
I never could decide.
Then my father built an altar,
he looked once behind his shoulder,
he knew I would not hide.

You who build these altars now
to sacrifice these children,
you must not do it anymore.
A scheme is not a vision
and you never have been tempted
by a demon or a god.
You who stand above them now,
your hatchets blunt and bloody,
you were not there before,
when I lay upon a mountain
and my father's hand was trembling
with the beauty of the word.

And if you call me brother now,
forgive me if I inquire,
"Just according to whose plan?"
When it all comes down to dust
I will kill you if I must,
I will help you if I can.

When it all comes down to dust
I will help you if I must,
I will kill you if I can.

And mercy on our uniform,
man of peace or man of war,
the peacock spreads his fan.